Dude...thats it! I have until Friday and then I am home free for a whole stinkin' week! :) How exciting, yes? My friend DesiRae is coming home w/ me, at least until we drop her off at the airport on Saturday morning. But I am super stoked. But before that can happen, I must get through the rest of this week. But, I am still uber ecstatic due to tommorrw night being Tuesday. Tuesday I usually go to CRU, but tomorrow night I get to go w/ some great and wonderful friends to the Relient K concert! :) You have no idea how excited I am!!

Um...I went to JC this past weekend. It was pretty fun. There was some drama, but otherwise a pleasant weekend. I left on Saturday morning, David barely talked to me. Laura and I went to his show in the afternoon and we made him give us his autograph, it was pretty sweet. I acted like SUCH a fangirl! :) He loved every minute of it, guaranteed! But he "likes" this girl who is in the show too (He was in The Hiding Place) named Ashleigh, who apparently has a boyfriend already. Again, I still don't understand how he decides to like certain people who are already taken and yet doesn't give me the time of day...unless its convenient for him. Boo boys! Whatever. Saturday night I went out w/ Amber and Rhino to play pool.Before we went to the bar (pool hall, whatever) we went to the store so Amber could get a new mp3 player (I can't remember the name of the store now) but I got 3 new cds: Sara Bereilles (love her!), and Relient K's MmHmm and Five Score and Seven Years ago! So good!Once we got to the pool hall I did not expect Rhino to pay for 1. my cover charge to get in, 2. the whole pool table rental fee (which was like 25 bucks!), AND 3. 3 out of the 4 drinks I had that night! It was all very strange because he kept telling me that if Amber wasn't there OR if he wasn't with Amber, he'd be all over me. I was like...dude, I'll never let that happen! lol We met a guy up there named Eric, who was fairly drunk when we met him. He was pretty nice, though. He was with his younger sister and her friend, who they called 'Bop'. Interesting... I also made a new 56 year old friend named Wayne. He was a 4 foot nothing tall cowboy looking man who wore a 10-gallon hat. I guess to make himself look taller, but to be honest, it was rather rediculous looking. :) He asked if I was having a good time, I said sure. I asked him the same question, and he replied he was except for the music that was playing. He was wishing the band would finish up their set and leave. lol I didn't see David again till Sunday night. He brought his friend, Will w/ him. I love Will. I don't care if he's engaged, he's hot. And stinkin' funny! He doesn't like Amber nor Rhino, so he wasn't as comedian-esque as he usually is. But it was okay. When they were at the house, this was when the drama happened <~ lemme just say that we thought that the cops were going to get called over due to domestic behavior. It was seriously out of control. Lost tempers, yelling, blood-curdling screams, it was awful. Some time had passed, we gamed and all was semi-well. When we finally got ready to leave, David, Will and I trekked out to David's car and thats when he realized he left his keys in the ignition. lol So, he called AAA and they came out to unlock his car. Geesh, he was mad. As we got to Fulton, we talked about movies and such that were coming out on DVD. Sweeney Todd comes out April 1st! I'm super excited for that! David I guess got distracted, and started to take Will home first. At first I though that David was in one of his "moods" to be alone w/ me, but then he asked Will if he wanted to be taken home first, to which he said he didn't care...and then David turned around and took me home first instead. So, I guess not. I half expected him to call me a little bit afterwards, but nope. Maybe they talked about me after I got out the car, who knows.

Tonight was pretty entertaining. Justin, Des, Rachel, Kak, Jen, Krista and I all watched an episode of Alf, TMNT the old tv series, Gummie Bears and Garfield and Friends. Des, Jen, Krista and Rachel left at about 10:30 or so, leaving Justin, Kak and myself. We just kept watching Garfield. It was fun, especially since Kak was on her computer doing homework. Justin and I could just goof around and be ourselves. Its been super strange lately...only because it feels like he'd rather be with me than with his girlfriend. He's slowly starting to become such a good friend, I just hope that Rachel starts to seriously hate me. I can't help that he and I have a lot in common, ya know? Bah...It was wierd. I was sitting on one end of the couch, and he sat honest to goodness right beside me. Now, there were 2 chairs, the rest of the couch I was sitting on, the rest of the couch Kak was sitting on and the whole floor to where he could have made himself comfortable. When Rachel was in the room, he sat directly next to me then, too. She layed on the floor. Apparently she was mad at him for some reason, I don't know. I propped my feet up on a chair in front of me and 2 minutes later he propped his feet up on the same chair. This all kind of proves my theory about him. Rachel came back to the lounge w/ breadsticks from Pizza Hut and stayed w/ us till we all left. She sat next to him on the other side, kept putting her arms around him and such, to which made him not really jerk away...but lean over towards me. Like he didn't want to be touched. And then when she took her hands off, he still stayed towards my direction. She grabbed his hat, which made him jump up to grab it and she then pinned his arms back and told me to tickle his sides. Now, I asked why and she said because. I asked then if he giggled like a school girl and his voice cracked saying no. This just made me more curious than before, even though I hadn't planned on tickling him previously. lol And you know...he does giggle! It was so cute and funny. He wiggled trying to get out of the grip. Kak then joined in on the tickle-Justin-fest. lol He was bright bright red! lol I mean, he naturally blushes to begin with, but this was uber to the maxx blush action going on! We let him up and he settled himself again, catching his breath. Rachel then stood up to put away the breadsticks, saying that she was going to go to bed. Justin flinched when she stood up and she leaned over to grab his hair or hat or something, to which he leaned over to me as much as possible. Here's the most entertaining part: Rachel then stopped, asked him why he was "cuddling up to me" and he looked at me, looked at her sat up and put his arm around me and said, "Because she's nicer to me than you are!" I was like...oh shoot! Stuff's gonna hit the fan now! But, she just stood there and looked at him like...oh. She then said, you do know that she's the one that helped me tickle you, right? He then said, oh yeah...and slowly removed his arm from around me. But didn't distance himself any at all. lol Geesh...odd behavior! We all got up at about the same time to go to bed. Justin told me that he wants to watch a movie called Audition w/ me sometime this week, maybe after the concert tomorrow night. I asked if he wanted to keep the dvd (since he brought it with him into the lounge) and he said that he'd rather watch it when I am with him, instead of him watching it by himself. (rather sweet, if you ask me) This movie is seriously effed up, though! Its a Japanese film, and if you thought the Saw movies were awful...oh man...this has nothing on them! The chick in this movie is seriously ill in the head! lol I like it, however. Guess that means I am sick, too, huh?

Mkay, well I guess I shall get going. I have stupid math in the morning...boo! Laterz.

Steph

P.S. Oh! I forgot to tell about my super sweet dream last night! I dreamt that myself and Andrew Volpe (lead singer of Ludo) and I were like best friends! It was stinkin' awesome, because they wanted me and all the kids I mentioned above to be in their next music video which was for Lake Pontchartrain. (I have no idea what their next video will be...it just happened to be that one in my dream.) Oh man, I did NOT want to wake up from that dream! lol It was so cool. I kind of like this dreaming side of me as of lately. Most of my dreams are strange...but they are quite entertaining! :)

To be honest? I am ashamed that I am in love a guy so much that I am willing to let myself get hurt each and every time I see him. He decides he must share his heartbreaking about other girls he's intersted in, with me. I mean, first and foremost I am his friend, don't get me wrong. But seriously...he knows it bothers me when he talks about these other people, people that already have boyfriends and the like, people who he really has no chance in getting serious with, but people who he thinks will change their ways to be with him. He knows that I have strong feelings for him. He knows that if he were to ask me to marry him tomorrow...I probably without a doubt say yes. And then he has the gall to turn around and tell me that he wants to cuddle, that he wants to be more intimate w/me and what do I do? I go along with it! Thats what I am most ashamed of! Why do I allow myself to become this pathetic "I want someone to love me" little girl who whenever she's around this guy allows herself to become gooey butter cake in his hands? It doesn't make any sense to me. And yes, I do just want to be loved...but seriously...is it worth it? Sometimes I really wonder.

I just don't understand people at times, ya know? Like, why does someone want to hang out one minute and then when they learn you are hanging w/ someone at that very second...they disappear? I mean, its not like they couldnt' have stayed, or the person you were with before could have left. The plans weren't completely permanent or anything, ya know? Bah...people.

Also, I just found out one of my friends hasnt' been around as of lately and has been in the hospital because they tried committing suicide. Now...its not that I'm besties w/ this person, he and I share alot of things in common, but when he told me that he's back from his hospital stay and such, how he wants to hang out w/ me and get to know people that I've hung around, thats cool. I didn't ask why he was in the hospital when he first told me he was, I just figured that it would be better to just say that I'm glad he's back and hope things are going better for him. Then he just spilled the details abotu why he tried to commit suicide, thats why he was gone for a week and a half or however long he was gone for. I mean...how am I supposed to react to that? I did what I thought I should do, told him I'm glad he's still here w/ us, I'm glad that he's getting better and if he ever wants to get out anger issues or vent or talk or anything, I'm here as a friend for him. I tried to tell him that I'd keep him in my prayers (but he's not religious at all, and thinks that those who are, are fooling themselves, although he's told me in the past that he respects my personal beliefs.)Then he yelled at me (through the IM) and told me how he hates that everyone says that. He's sick and tired of hearing that from people. How am I supposed to react to that? I mean, I've never gone through that before...the last time I've been around someone who "attempted suicide" turns out she was crazy/or just wanted attention. So...not that I'm saying thats what he wanted, but seriously. I don't know what has been going through his head, and I'm sorry if I made him upset by saying what I said, I'm just trying to be there as a friend, ya know? Before he disappeared for awhile, he would always ask me about the David situation, how that was going and such. But then he'd turn around and tell me how he himself hasn't had a girlfriend for 6 years. How he wishes that someone would just give him the time of day. But he'd say it in a way that almost made me feel obligated to feel guilty for him and feel guilty about my excitement/frustrations about the David situation. Sometimes it would make me feel like he would be hinting that he liked me in that way, but wouldn't fully come out and say it. I do not feel that way towards him in the slightest, but its like I felt guilty for NOT liking him in that way. But I don't...its complicated. When he told me that he was wanting to start hanging out w/ people again, I said that a bunch of girls and I have been watching the seasons of Lost lately, and he's more than welcome to come join us...then he asked what I was doing last night. I said that I'd be going to the Lead movie with Justin, Emily, and DesiRae and then maybe going to Stussy's show later that night. He asked what Stussy's show was and said he was having a concert at The Post Office Bar and Grill...he said it sounded interesting. So, I then told him about the type of music they play and that the lead singer is like a mix between Elvis in his old age and Dan Ayroyd...then he abruptly said, "I'm not that interested..." I just thought..thats harsh, but okay. I just don't think I know how to react to him anymore. He's not the same person as he was before. I'm just going to try and stay away from him, not ignore him, but I don't know. I feel bad because sometimes he'd get on my nerves and I'd not want to talk to him...and then he tried to commit suicide, not that I feel like I caused a part of him to do that, but I don't know. I feel like I should have been a better friend, ya know? Oh gosh...I'm so confused.

Onto another subject...

I had my portfolio review yesterday. They told me that I probably should have done my dramatic monologue first, and my comedic monologue second...but that was after I had already performed, so I couldn't rewind time at all. Mrs. GG (Gamblin-Greene) wasn't there, so she didn't harrass me and told me I suck at acting, that I shouldn't sing and that she doesn't understand why I am a theatre major...like she did in years past. Granted, I didn't sing...but, I didn't have to since I am a performance major, not musical theatre. Marleen (the music teacher) told me that she doesn't understand that since I have such a beautiful tone to my voice...why I don't (apparently to her) use all of the notes or fluctuate of my voice when I perform. So...did that mean I am monotonous when I talk? I don't think I am...Melissa (one of my favorite teachers ever!) told me that she's proud of me for finding more quality to my voice. I used to start off high pitched and stay that way...but now I've learned to start low(er) and emphasize words more with a higher or lower pitched sound. So...again, what does that mean? Am I monotonous or not? Geesh...All I know is they didn't have bad comments to say. They all told me how much I've grown since I've been here, most of them are proud of me for what I've accomplished and that for my last portfolio review, it was a very good one. (I say most are proud, because not all of them have seen me since I came here. We had a few people from Mizzou that don't know me from other students.)

So yeah...Life's been kinda crazy lately. Almost all good, except for the fact that I still feel kinda wierd around Justin and Rachel. Justin likes spending time w/ me...but Rachel gets upset and says that I'm "too inviting" for him or something like that. Just 10 minutes ago he was in here and we were talking about somehting, Rachel called his phone and he answered. She then came in and said that she'd been yelling for him to go try and find her inhaler out of her truck, he said he didnt hear her. She said because he was in my room, and then she got mad because he left the door open. He said that he thought he was just going to be a little while, but she said that whenever he comes to talk to me he's never "just a little while" and then she points to me and says that its my fault he stays so long. I'm like, "Seriously? How do you figure? I don't twist his arm and make him stay..." (As I am saying this he interferes and says its his fault.) And she says, "If you wouldnt' keep your door open all the time and be so damn inviting...he wouldn't feel the need to come in and hang out with you." I just looked at her and thought, well, if you weren't so demanding or mean or bitchy (yes, I thought that) he wouldn't feel the need to seek out other people's attention so much...I mean, I really do like Rachel, but come on! I'm not a threat to her, I'm not a threat to anyone. She shouldn't get so upset about it. I mean, he's a fun kid, but she shouldn't really be jealous. At least not to me. I mean, I personally think I would treat him better than she does...but he's not going to leave her. I just think its kind of an amusing situation. Bah...people confuse me!

Okay, now its time to watch a movie! ;)

Steph

*Edit* More to do with the J/R situation...so, we're watching a movie in the lounge, right? Right. After the movie is over...J turns on the tv and R is talking w/ Krista. Des and Kak are talking, and J and I are paying attention to the t.v. I couldn't quite hear what the guy on the show was saying, so J turns up the volume...R gets highly upset and says that he was being rude to turn it up, instead of telling her to talk quieter, because she was just going to talk louder since he turned it up. (But then she got quiet...whatever.) Krista suggested that they go outside of the lounge to talk, and so R storms out. I look at J and move up to the couch where he was sitting. He turns to me and says he hates when she does that. I ask him what he means and he states that she can get upset at him for the smallest little thing and expect him not to do anything about it...but when he gets upset at her, she gets all pouty and pretty much makes him feel guilty for getting upset and so he grovels back to her. I told him that she knows what she's doing. She knows he will come crawling back to her saying sorry (when he really shouldn't be sorry) because he's too nice to not to. He won't get upset at her, and so she takes advantage of him. I told him, if he gets upset when she does that...not to let her get away with it. Its not right the way she treats him. He just kind of shrugged his shoulders and then she and Krista walked passed the lounge...which made me feel ultra awkward. lol He then left to get his pjs and said that he'd be back in a bit. Meanwhile, I went to go sit back with Kak and Desi. Kak wanted to know what she missed and so I filled them in. Kak then went to go get Jen so we could catch them up on Lost. I went to go get the dvd and Des came back saying she thinks she understands what I've been trying to tell her about this whole situation...how R is definitely mean to J and he seems to be reaching towards someone who will actually support him with his silly ideas and not put him down for being who he is. She said she feels sorry for him, because he's super nice and doesn't deserve the treatment he's getting. Yeah...I agree! Both Kak and Jen come back to the lounge and we start Lost. J was in there w/ R and a few others talking about registering for classes next semester. Then they get done talking and J starts watching w/ us. Not even 15 minutes later, R comes in and starts pulling on his ears, his hair, pretty much trying to get him to leave the lounge so SHE could go to bed. I just think her ways of doing things are sort of barbaric. She is almost abusive to him...rediculous, really. Oh well...I try not to be involved, but somehow I always seem to be. I was sitting on one side of the couch, he was sitting directly next to me. Whenever he would cross his legs, his foot or knee would lean against mine, to which I didn't move and neither did he. But when she came in, he shifted his position and the situation got wierd. She finally pulled out of the lounge, we all said goodnight and then she came back and he yelled through the door that he was wanting me to watch Ninja Turtles season 3 w/ him tomorrow, lol. She then said, before 3 most likely, before he leaves to go home. I just don't know...its such an odd feeling. I feel like I am in the middle, ya know? I don't want to be. I don't want to make her mad or make her feel like I am such a threat to her...but at the same time I'm not going to distance myself from him. I'm not going to stop being his friend just because she feels awkward about it. If he can talk to me about his frustrations I should take that as a good thing, right? He obviously can't talk to her about it, she won't listen. *le sigh*

(This was written on the 2nd of Jan.)

Got a call from my good pal Amber at school asking if I would want to move into their apartment for this coming semester. Now, I would be sharing a bathroom again w/ Kristin, but you know...I think I can handle that. I will for sure need to get a job this semester. I would for sure need to make more $ than my work study job due to the cost being over $2000. But, I really am anxious to do it. I'll be w/ people I know and love, I won't feel so excluded from the department and I know I will be much happier. I will still hang w/ the JC crew.

Plus, more news is going on about my home life...but I don't have time to write about it now. Pretty much, mom made me feel like crappy (again) and yeah. I started to cry as soon as I got back down to my room. I just don't understand why it seems like she resents me for so much since I've gone to school. She keeps telling me that within a year she is going to have to move. I know that. She's not sure if she wants to stay in MO, only until after she gets certified for her job, is what she told me. So...if I stay living w/ her I will only be in MO till next January, possibly. Anyone wanna move into an apartment as soon as I graduate? Who knows...maybe come this time in 2009, I will be for sure in Jeff. City?

Okay, well today is my grampa's birthday, so I am gonna go take a shower and figure out what the rest of today has planned. I'll write back later!

(this was written yesterday)
So...I have alot to say, but I am not going to spend 40 years doing it:
1. Christmas was good, family was in town and it was awkward.
2. New Years was fun, Mandi had a Retro Prom themed party, we went out to eat for her birthday and then to Dave and Busters on the first.
3. I go back to school on the 13th...and I am moving into the new apartments on campus.
4. I have to find a job for sure this semester to pay for the over $2,000 extra bill for living in those apartments...great!
5. Kristin and I seem like we are going to be on good terms again, which is awesome. I've missed her alot!!
6. David has called me a couple of times over this break...Laura and the crew came up to see me last week. They seem optomistic about David's calling me and such, saying that he's mentioned me and acts like he misses me. So, who knows what the new year will bring for that part of my life?!
7. Um...I don't know what else to say. I've been thinking alot about stuff lately and don't know for sure if its good or bad, but I have a feeling that something big is going to happen in this 2008 year. So...I guess I better prepare myself.
8. Thats all I got.

I'll write back someday when I feel like I have more time.
Stephie

Oh goodness life is simply amazing right now! I have had such a wonderful time since Christmas, its been fantastic!

Christmas was...interesting to say the least. My aunt Sherril and her 2 kids (Charlie and James) came to my grandparents house. Last time I saw her and James was like for 15 minutes over Thanksgiving break and the last time I saw Charlie was over the summer. They don't come up this way too often, and my mom really doesn't get along w/ her sister. Dinner was good (my brother actually showed up!) gifts were good. I got Lost Seasons 1 and 2. :) I am planning on buying season 3 w/ my Best Buy gift card (I knew it would come in handy!). I also got the movie Hairspray, so I am excited about that, as well. Mom also got me some panty hose...why? Who knows?! We sat around after dinner and pretty much did nothing. It was times like that that we were a game family, like Mandi and Michelle's family. I mean, seriously we sat there in silence for a good 1/2 an hour before someone said anything. Thats how much my family has in common w/ each other. Geesh. My aunt and cousins left fairly soon after that, and then we exchanged more gifts and such. I read the book I just can't seem to get into (another Ted Dekker, called Saint) I fell asleep shortly after reading and then when I woke up we were going to eat again. So, yeah. I watched Pirates of the Caribbean w/ my grandfather and narrated the story for my mom and gramma. lol I helped make a pair of earrings for Natalie for her birthday and then I went over to her house to give her Christmas presents. We watched Ratatouille and then started watching Joan of Arc w/ LeeLee Sobieski. I love that movie so much, but we couldn't watch all of it due to Natalie's falling asleep. I woke her up but she said, no its okay...I am awake now. Then she realized that the movie still had like 2 hours left in it. LOL.

The next day Michelle, Mandi and I went out in search of party dresses for Mandi's party. Michelle found a cool purple one, and I found a skirt that I like...not realizing until later that it will not go w/ the top I have picked out, so yeah. That kinda sucks. Then we went out w/ Natalie to dinner--which was sort of frustrating at first, but whatevs. It ended well, I guess. :)

Thursday night, Natalie and I went to the Ludo Concert. Michelle, I didn't find your friend, Nicole, nor did I know how to get ahold of her or anything, but if she asks/asked I was thinking of her! Tell her we sat on the left side of the stage, by the giant Santa Claus. :) Oh my gosh, this concert was SUPER fun! Natalie and I got there a bit early, we picked out some pretty neato seats, and waited for Bryan and Cody. The boys get there and ask us to come sit by them...which was kind of a bad idea, because they were on the side (and Nat and I picked seats directly in front of the stage...) but we did anyhow and lost our original place. But it was cool. We sat and waited for the bands to start. First up was Nothing Still. I love this band alot, but its stinks because they aren't that great live. I mean, I personally think no band is better live than on a cd, just because the music is SO loud compared to their voice, and there is no way to really equalize all that out, like they can on cds. So yeah. I think I was the only one out of our group (Natalie, Bryan, Cody, Jessica, Tara, and Tara's friend) who liked them. But thats fine. Then next was Quietdrive. This band is one of my new favorites!! They just have catchy songs, and oh man are they cute! At least the guitarist is...:) His name is Justin, and I am pretty much infatuated w/ him. After they were done, Natalie and I go to the merch. room and we are surprised that there are not that many people in there. So, I go and purchase up a storm! lol I pulled out $80 because I knew I would want stuff. I got Quietdrive, Nothing Still, and The Hush Sound's cds, I bought 2 Ludo tshirts, a Quietdrive tshirt, Nothing Still tshirt, and then I got some The Hush Sound stickers for free. W/ all that stuff, I realized I needed something to carry it all in, so then I purchased a Quietdrive bag, which 3 of the 5 band members signed. Natalie got the Quietdrive cd, and had the same members sign it for her, as well. We left smitten w/ the band and came back to our table to listen to the rest of The Hush Sound's set. They are my other new favorite band! Then Ludo came on. OH Goodness! I was in heaven! Not only are they just a spankin' awesome band, they are good entertainers! I mean, they know how to engage the audience and make everything fun. I had such a good time, I was so happy I got to finally see them in concert! :) At the end of their concert they gave out Christmas gifts...I almost got one, but this guy w/ super long hair (who honestly looked like Kid Rock) pretty much stole it from me. I was so mad! Grr stupid rude people! We met up with Allie Ward after the concert to say hello and bye, because all of us were all kind of in a hurry to get home.

Turns out my friends from JC were coming to STL that night! I kept getting text messages saying they needed directions to my house and such. It was kind of pain, because I was trying to enjoy the concert and eventually I said, I'll call em after I got out of the concert. So, I do and they had gotten lost. I apparently gave them the wrong directions, (although I do know I said get off at 270 and McDonnell (although Laura says I texted 279), but wouldn't they have seen McDonnell?) but I couldn't talk too long due to my phone dying. So yeah. I came home and literally, walked in the door, put my stuff down and went to bed. I was so tired! I put my phone on the charger and all that coolness. I got a phone call at 4:30am from David. He had just gotten off work and, "had a feeling I was asleep, but he hadn't talked to me in a while, so he thought he'd call." lol I thought that was nice. Although I didn't answer because yes, I was indeed (trying) to sleep. But when he called, it jolted me into an awake and panicked state, so I couldn't go to sleep again for a while. Laura called me at around 8 or 9am wanting to know what I was planning for the day. I said I was still pretty much asleep and that I wanted to continue to sleep. I said I'd be ready to hang out around 10:30 or so. So, thats what we did. I got up, took a shower. They came to get me and we went to breakfast at Denny's. Our waiter guy was cute, and so Carrie and I had eyecandy! lol I got my Christmas gifts from them: a pair of PJ's that are a little too big, but its okay. The pants are too big, but they are quite comfy. They are green and have kitties on them that say, Relax. I also got a manga of the Labyrinth. Its pretty awesome! And also a game thats like a murder mystery type thing, the game is Mardi Gras themed. I was pretty happy about that, too. After breakfast, we went to the Mills. Laura got some new boots, she bought me a pair of shoes (still part of Christmas, apparently!) that are Rocket Dogs and they are red w/ little hula girls on them. It says Aloha. We went to a few other stores and then the crap started. Greg bought Amber a kimono...which didn't fly well w/ Laura and Carrie. I won't go into all the details, but we pretty much sat while Greg and Laura had about a 45 minute talking to each other in the middle of the mall. I sat there and Carrie and I were talking about David. I told her he called me that morning and she said for me to call him back. I did, but got his voicemail. Not even two minutes later, he called me back. He said he was asleep, but he wanted to talk to me (sweetie) and I said it wasn't necessary, I could always talk later. He said no, and so we talked for a bit. He wanted to know how my break was going and when I'd be back. LOL I seriously told him 4 times jan. 13 was the day I come back. :) He then decided that after he heard that enough that it was time for him to go back to sleep. Yeah. After that people seemed (seemed being the key word) to calm down. So we finished shopping and then headed back to their hotel room. We decided to go to the Loop and eat. So we did, Amber stayed at the hotel room. We went to Vintage Vinyl first. I got 3 new cds. Ludo, Go Van Gogh (its good!) and Blame Gary. Then we all ate at Blueberry Hill. This is where the real crap happened. Greg decided that this was the perfect time for him and Laura to discuss their relationship, why she was so upset and what they needed to do to fix their problems. It seriously went on for about 15 minutes before people started staring. I was tired of the conversation, getting a headache, so I decided to stop the convo. I looked at Greg w/ a dead stare and stated, "Can we please continue this conversation at a later time? Its really not necessary to talk about this here." He looked at me like I had lost my mind, then looked away. I looked at Laura and she kinda shook her head, yes. I looked back at Greg and he stood up, threw his chair down and stormed out. I was like...I don't care if I pissed him off. I do not care at all. I am tired of the fighting. You all came to STL to visit me, and you've been fighting and bickering since you got here. I am tired of it! Laura started crying. I said its not her fault, he's just got a bad temper and tries to control everything. He's not able to do that all the time. (like earlier, he was upset because people wanted to go to different stores in the mall. he wanted to know where everyone was, and I suggested, hey, why don't we all meet back at the middle of the mall in an hour? then people can go wherever they want and it won't matter who's where. as long as we all meet back up at the same time and at the same place? He didn't like that idea...he'd rather have people call him when they go into a store and when they leave, going to their next destination. I thought it was kind of stupid...but whatever.) So, she gave Cassie money for the food, and said she was going to take the car keys and talk to him in the car. He came back and asked Cassie for the keys. He was gonna sit in the car and cool off. Well, they both left and the three of us ate our dinner. Boxed up Laura and Gregs food and then figured out that the money she gave Cassie was like 10 bucks short. So, that was a small debacle. We finally get things situated and Greg informs me that he didn't appreciate my comment that the convo. they were having in the restaurant wasn't necessary because he'd been having that fight w/ her for a month now and she wouldn't tell him why she was upset. It also wasn't my business, so I shouldn't have butted in the first place. I told him that it wasn't appropriate for them to have that conversation while in a restaurant, and I thought it was my business due to the fact that they were talking about that subject w/ everyone around. I said, they had come to see me, so they should have been focusing their attention to me, not their personal problems. If they had been having that fight for a month, what was one more day? Why did that particular moment have to be the time for that to come to a head? He said because he was tired of getting the brush off about it. I then said, I understand it wasn't my business, but it wasn't the time. Then I asked him if he was to be in a foul mood for the rest of the night, and he said he wasn't sure. I said if he was, I'd rather go home and let them do whatever they wanted till they left. I didn't want to be around someone who was going ot be pissed off the whole time. He said that he needed to go to walmart to get a pair of shorts to go swimming. We went ot target instead. WHile he was in there, he seemed to calm down. I wasn't mad anymore, so I decided to stay. The rest of the night was a bit better, but only after Cassie and Carrie left to go back to Jeff. City and figured out Rhino wasn't going to go crazy. (thats another issue I'd rather not explain, due to me not really understanding it all.) Laura and I watched part of Return to Oz before we fell asleep. I didn't sleep well (I never do at strange places) due to having Cassie steal the pillow AND snore right next to my ears! (if you are confused...she did drive back to STL after leaving to go back to JC. She dropped Carrie off so she could work in the morning and she picked up her pay check then drove back to STL) I know that she can't help her snoring...but geesh, she's SO LOUD. She woke me up from a dead sleep! It was horrible.

The next morning we packed up the stuff, went to brunch w/ Laura's grandmother. We ate at IHOP out by Big Bend. Then they decided to go to Union Station to shop a bit. We stayed there for about 2 1/2 hours or so. I found THE perfect dress for Mandi's party at a store called Me Mi's of Fe Fi's something like that. I simply adored it! It was electric blue, and was sleeveless. Came to about my knee and then slanted downwards to the left with beading all the way down. It was a flappers dress, totally going against my Madonna theme, but it was gorgeous!! It fit perfectly, it was amazing...but not for $300.00. :( It was $445 or something originally, and the store marked it down to $299.00, but the lady was shocked when I had stated I couldn't buy the 300 dollar dress, and wanted to know what I was talking about. I showed her and she said, "Oh...yeah. Thats the only dress of that kind we have, and so thats why its so expensive. But for you...I can mark it down to $150, if that will work?" I was like...uh, you've got to be kidding me! I was so sad. But, oh well. It wasn't meant to be, I get it. But still...dang. It was a pretty sweet dress!

Then they wanted to go back to the Mills then go home. I was dropped off at home before they went to the Mills. I hope they got everything they wanted. I haven't heard from them since about 5pm yesterday. Last night Natalie and I went to see Juno at the West Olive 16...I DEFINITELY recommend that movie! Its an excellent script! I wish that I could take that movies class again and write a paper on that movie. The characters are so interesting, the plot line is honestly amazing. I believe that script is just genius! Simply genius! Its definitely one move I will buy when it comes to dvd. Fo sho'!


Laterz!

Stephie

Its exactly a year to the day of my last post. And yes, I am still at WWU. Unfortunately. Last semester was supposed to be something grand, something spectacular, something different. And it was...when it was outside the class room! Inside the classroom, was a complete and utter disaster! I basically failed all my classes due to me being a retard and not wanting to do anything. I was spending WAAAAY too much time off campus and in Jeff. City.

Speakng of Jeff. I re-acquainted myself with some old friends, made some new friends and pretty much got myself a boyfriend...w/o having those "terms of endearment". Ironically, like in my last post, his name is David. I don't know what it was about him, but he had some mental power over me, something that I was drawn to, mentally, physically, spiritually. He was everything (almost) I wanted in a person, and I accidently caught myself saying "I love him" to my friend Laura. It was stinkin' crazy! And he is most of the reason I blame myself for having such an awful academic school semester!

Now that I am home for Christmas break, I haven't really thought about him that much. I think thats a good thing, too. Helps me get focused back on what is important, what I really need to work towards: graduation on May 10th, 2008. I need to pretty much be close to perfect with this semester, or else I am going to hell and back with not only criticism from my family, but with all the bills I will have coming to me from schooling that was a waste of time! I will be starting my senior project this semester, probably not going to be able to participate w/ the shows again this semester, but I may ask Joe or at least talk to him about it, because honestly, with my not being able to enjoy myself with it last semester, I think it made me depressed and not motivated enough to do anything else. I mean, I know I should have chosen a more academic path...but honestly, theatre is my life, and without it, I wasn't wanting to survive anything else. Thats why I was getting off campus so much. I was trying to escape my meaningless existence at school. ALL of the kids I was friends with in the department are doing their own things. I don't room w/ Kristin anymore, so all the people I hung out with are gone. I mean, not that she was the person to draw all of the friends to us, but its just a different time now. I am the only one on my side of campus, with the exception of a few of the freshmen. But still, since I wasn't involved w/ theatre, since I didn't have any classes in the theatre, since I was pretty much segregated from the theatre, I didn't have friends. I needed to include myself w/ people, so thats why I was off campus so much. Please God, let this semester be different!

Hm...okay, I thought I had more to say than I do. I will most definitely be keeping up with this now that I changed my password and remembered my screenname! :)

I am going to the Ludo concert tonight, I am stinkin' excited for it!! :) I guess I shall go take a shower and possibly figure out what I am going to wear. Laterz.

Stephanie

howdy all! sure has been a long time since i wrote, huh? at least its in the same month though. :)
lets see...whats goin on? well, i have been dwelling on the fact that this time next year, i will be graduated *crosses fingers* from college! thats freakin' crazy! it doesn't feel like 4 years has gone by so quick, but i do know that it has. man, so many memories...mostly from this year! well, i take that back, lots of memories from each of the years, but mostly this year--meaning i finally have come into my own, i believe. lots of new friends, lots of outings and such. its just an overall good time. i don't want it to end or friends to leave. i am gonna be so sad come may.

um...saw john today. he came by to give me my christmas present (yes...i know! he actually got me something!) he got me a wizard of oz game for super nintendo. so i will definitely be playing that when i return to school. its pretty neat. it wasn't wierd seeing him or anything, which i thought it would. but nope.

don't really know what else to say. my christmas break is good, although my best friend isn't here. she's in trinidad with another friend (whom, i'm not sure if i call a friend or not..at least not anymore. not a good friend, that is). i think i have a new crush. which is good, because i don't think i have a thing for cody anymore. :) i have been hanging out with my friend mandi's friend david lately...and he is just plain cool. he makes me laugh so freakin hard...even though he really is idiotic! lol he sings all the time, even if he can't sing to save his life. he's crazy, and i like him alot. :) but i am sure nothing will happen, all my friends know (some what) about my feelings towards him, which is fine. but yes. its fun.

kay, well i guess i will go. in fact, i am gonna go take a shower because i am indeed hanging out with david tonight (along with mandi and possibly michelle...but still! lol)

i probably won't write again til after the new year. so have a good start of 2007!! :)

stephanie

so...yeah. There has been quite a bit that has happened, but I really don't feel like writing it all out. I ususally write in my myspace blog, so if you truely want to know whats going on...go there. But most of the entries as of recently have been my favorites anyhow, so if you want to read them, tell me and I will add you. the only reason they are like that is because apparently i am not safe in writing my feelings out with out others attacking me...so yeah.

Just found out that John (my ex boyfriend) is engaged to the girl he was seeing behind my back. Hmm. doesn't that just make you feel happy? its okay, though. i am honestly over him. I couldn't care less about what he does...it just makes me giggle that seriously on our 1 year anniversary he asked me if I would marry him...of course i said yes. but i never saw the fruits of it after. and now and this heather girl are "engaged"--hope she knows it won't last. Honestly, I hope it does, but I don't believe it will. oh well.

I am looking to bigger and better things. :)

Kay...yeah. I'm done now. Have a good day!

XOXO,
Stephanie

To everyone who knows my brother--Bond, I just wanted to say that if you could please say a prayer for him and his dad's family, that would be nice. His Gramma Rho passed away this morning and my brother isn't doing well at all.

My brother's dad (Yong Sue--he's Korean) divorced my mom and then 6 months later remarried a Korean woman who does not want Yong Sue to have any contacts with my brother at all. So, for the past 9 or 10 years its been a secret relationship between my brother and his father. Mom was very surprised that he actually called to say that anything had happened.

This was the 4th or 5th time that Gramma Rho has had something happen to her, she was a very strong and resilient woman. But, Bond's uncle (not sure which one, he has 4) went to church this morning and when he came back found Gramma Rho in the kitchen not breathing. They aren't exactly sure what happened, but speculate that she fell and broke her hip. The woman was 88 or 89 years old. Its all come to a shock that she is really gone, throughout everything she has through, she has always held her head high and has always wanted to keep on pushing forward. Nothing could slow her down. Despite the language barrier (he only spoke maybe a handful words of English), she always could bring a smile to a sad face and was ever-willing to cook for someone or comfort them when they looked down.

Again, please say a prayer for my brother and his family. I am sure anyone who reads this knows how it feels to lose a loved one...and what grievances it may cause those around you.

Gramma Rho, you will me missed dearly. We all loved you so very much, and I am for sure that you are an angel now among the stars. Thank you for everything that you did for me and my brother. I know that you--out of anyone--wanted Bond to know how much you loved him. He knows. :)

--Stephanie--

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside the still waters; He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou are with me; Thou rod and Thy Staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou nointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the House of the Lord Forever."

Psalm 23

So...I should probably write on here a bit more, huh?

Well, I got an offer the other day to pretty much sleep with someone due to being "lonely". Um...no. Sorry, I wouldn't do that in the first place, but I am not even attracted to that person...but I guess I should be flattered to know that they think of me in that way? Strange...anyhow.

This weekend was pretty awesome. Natalie came up to see me, we went out dancing on Thursday! Went to a haunted house (3 attractions in 1) in Columbia, that was fun. We hung out with Arin and Glenn, too. Ate lots of good food out, which is probably why I am so B.R.O.K.E.! lol Came home on Saturday, went and saw "The Employee of the Month" it was cute...but really not that funny. I was kind of expecting it to be more than what it was. Oh well. I am really not big into comedies, as of lately. Meh.

We have the Beauty and the Beast shadow interpretted show this weekend, meaning no Ludo concert in Columbia for me...makes me quite sad. I was SO looking forward to finally seeing them live! Nope. Dangit! AND Dresden Dolls are in STL this Saturday as well! Man, 2 huge concerts and I can't go! :(

But I do think that we may be able to go see Rocky Horror Picture Show up at the Tivoli Nov. 3rd! That shall be a treat! I don't have much else to say. God is good. I feel content with being me right now. Although I am getting (or have) a cold...things are good. Lots of projects and I am busy as a bee, but yes.

I guess thats all I have for now. Hope everyone is doing well. Leave me some noties if you feel like it! I always like to see them! :)

<3

Stephanie

Oh goodness. Look at how long its been since I have wrote on here! I am appalled at myself! Well, lets see. What has happened?

The show went spectacularaly, a few friends from home came to visit--that was exciting! I am not in the next show, nor in my friend Daniel's radio show (well, at least not a big part) and that makes me kinda sad. I have been thinking of a certain boy for a very very VERY long time now...(no its not John) and it's starting to scare me, for 1. He has got a girlfriend, 2. He's about 4 years YOUNGER than I am, and 3. Um...well, I don't know if I have a number 3, but it makes me sad that I plus every other girl loves him...and yeah. I HATE competition, which there shouldn't be any of...considering he already has a girlfriend!! Poop!

So, I think that I am depressed. Like, usually I can put on this front of being happy...but usually I am really not. Its starting to take its toll on me. I don't like how I feel most days, and lately I have been drinking (not too awfully bad, but since I am 22 and legal, I have been doing it more than I have ever in my life thought I would) and that scares me as well. Kristin suggested me starting to take Zoloft...but I am afraid if I go to my mom she won't approve of it. I don't know what to do. But tonight has opened up my eyes to alot of things: We hung out with Bryan and Cody (hoooootttttttt!) and it started out to be really fun. We were gonna watch Ghost, but that didn't pan out as planned. Kristin (who is starting to really bug me about being extra flirty with Cody) and Cody and Bryan started to have a water/tickle fight. I didn't really want to be a part of it, but somehow got soaked to the bone! It was hecka fun...but then a few other girls came, started to hang (literally) all over Cody and I kinda sunk into my own world. I think they were trying to include me, but I seriously sat by myself on the other side of the room and kinda zonked out. I responded when they talked, played good music and such, but I just don't know. I don't like competition, I don't like feeling like the ugly fat girl who no one wants to touch...and I just don't know how to feel better about this. What should I do? Should I go to my mom and tell her I think I should take something? I wonder if it would make me feel better. I have been exercising lately, but I feel like its not doing any good. I have even considered taking Diet pills...gosh knows there are plenty of those stupid weight loss commercials out there, I have seriously thought about buying into that junk. Hmm.. right now even, it still seems like a good idea. Maybe I should do my own research on it. Bah! I don't know.

I am going to bed. Goodnight. Pray for me, please! Thankyou. Loves,

Steph

Man...its been quite a long time since I wrote on this thing, huh? Oh well. The Ren Fest was good. I got sunburned that is finally starting to stop peeling...its still a little sore, but feeling 100% better.

The musical is going well, I am not as bitter as I once was about it, which is a good thing. I enjoy being my Princess part, which she still needs to have a name. :( I got a laugh from the interps. today, so I am hoping that I really am funny...because if not, whats the point of even doing it? Because I have to? Gee...comforting.

So, I think I have a crush (but can you have a crush on more than one person, and only consider it a crush, and not several?) but I know I shouldn't...because to them, I am an old hag and to me they are just out of the cradle. Eeesh! I feel so dirty each time I think about it that way...but honestly I can't help it. Oh well.

Going to have a dance party this Saturday, but I am kind of tempted to change it to Friday, so maybe some of the people who are going home (eh hem, Bryan and Cody) will be able to come...if people read this, tell me your thoughts on it, okay?

I really need to clean my room, its starting to discust me. Well, I guess I better get to tucker before it closes. I skipped all my classes today...I am not really feeling well. :(

Laterz.

Hey

We are having a Jester's Meeting this Thursday--5pm in the Dome.

ALSO we are planning on going to the Rennaissance Festival this Saturday (Sept. 16) in Kansas City...we went last year and it was a blast! If you are interested in going, please contact me or Kristin Bailey. (I am not gonna give out her phone number on here though.) I do know for sure that we are leaving the Jones Dorm Parking lot by 9:00am so be here at least by 8:45am. The Festival opens at 10am. Tickets are $14.50...but if we get 10 people or more...the price drops to $11.00/person. If you and/or someone you know would like to come...please don't hesitate to ask them! The more the merrier! Kristin is going to be paying for the tickets with her credit card on Thursday night...so she needs your money NO LATER than Saturday morning! And she only takes cash and checks. Again, contact me or Kristin for any other additional information. Hope to see people coming out!! :)

--Stephanie--

my birthday was amazing. i told my friend that i know that she has been lying...her excuse? because she was raped. do i believe...or not? thats the question i have to ponder. suggestions anyone? :/

Sorry guys...I haven't been in the mood to post more than one entry unique to its own site...so its just one big entry for all my blogs! I am redundant, what can I say?? Oh well.



So...yeah, I feel like a pirate! lol, I do have the patch on my eye for it. And no, its not just for show! lol I have been wearing my contacts for a little while and I sleep in them as well. Well, this morning, I woke up and they kind of twinged a bit...so I took a shower and got dressed thinking it would get better. Turns out it didn't, so I took out the contacts and started to wear my glasses. Well, as soon as I did that, mom noticed that my right eye (the one bothering me) was all read and icky looking, so she put some eye drops in it. They made it worse! So, all day long its been watering and hurting to open it, close it, move it, basically to keep it in my head! Its such a bother, because you can't really do much without your eyes...and well you know what I mean. I could if I wasn't used to using them...but since I am, its such a pain, literally. But mom and I went to the Walgreens pharmacy a little while ago and they said that pretty much all we can do is wash it thoroughly and put a patch or something over it. So...I adopted the name Dirty Jane Wiggins as my "piratized name" for the rest of the day. :)

My whole thing to do today was take John's stuff and his mom's to their houses today. After I got ready (I purposely dressed cute today to maybe make him see that I dont need him to live.) and got their stuff together and headed over there. I went to Nancy's first. But there were no cars in the driveway, so I then went to John's. Brian's car was there, so I figured that he was, too. Well, turns out that Brian must have gone with John somewhere...I bet'cha they went to that girls place! Oh well, I didn't leave a note with them, I just left the back o stuff (John's big Alf, baby Alf, his nintendo ds charger and a Firebird Hoodie.) on the back door. Hopefully no one decides to take it. And if they do...oh well. At least I don't have it anymore! Then I went back to Nancy's house. The car still wasn't there...but I knocked anyways. The door just came open! There is no door handle at all, and hole where it was is taped up. The cat wanted in, anyhow, so I let him in. Mary, Korey's girlfriend (they both live in the basement of the house) came out of the bathroom, and asked what I was doing there. I asked if Nancy was home, and she said no, that she must have left earlier that morning. I explained what was going on, and Mary said it was okay if I left that stuff there. So, I brought in the 2 boxes I had, put them in her bedroom, knowing that she would most certainly see them there, and wrote a note explaining why I was leaving them. I left my phone number, just in case she needs to ask any questions or wants to know what is going on with John. I am sure she doesn't know about Heather...and I am sure that she will be quite upset when she finds out! Because I know for a fact that she liked me alot AND I was the first and only girlfriend John had brought over to the house to meet her! So...yeah. Just makes me a bit sad, still. :( But oh well. I need to move on. And I think I am ready now to start that healing process. :) The sooner I am over it....the sooner I can gawk at more boys! ;) Haha...like that's ever stopped me before! lol

After that, Mom and I went to get something to eat. We went to Arby's for lunch. It makes me so upset that Fazoli's has gone out...I LOVED THAT PLACE!!!! The guy at Arby's said there is still one on St. Chaz. Rock Road...but its just not the same. And I know that its been a few hours since we ate...but I am hungry again. :(

Then we went to JoAnn's fabric place and Michaels' to look at their beads and stuff. I am really wanting to get some beading tools of my own, so I can start making my own jewelry. But mom keeps telling me now she is saying for Christmas, (she was orginally saying for my birthday...but she bought me clothes for that, instead.) So, it looks like I may have to buy them myself. :(

Natalie and I are going to a concert tonight at First Baptist Church of O'Fallon tonight! I am excited, I haven't been able to see them in concert but I have been invited several times! Its a band called Returning Soon http://www.myspace.com/returningsoon <~thats their site on here. Their music is really good (better than alot of local bands I have heard) so yeah. And I just so happened to go to highschool with the keyboardist; Phil Strangman. Totally pumped for it!! :) :) :) They are also on facebook...that site gives the directions to the church if you need them. Who knows, maybe we will see ya there!

Alrighty, well I guess I will get going. Just felt like I needed to write something...talk to you all later!

Love,

Dirty Jane. ;)

The newest cast of Once Upon A Mattress is:
Minstrel----Matt Pederson

Lady Larkin---Laura Smith

Wizard---George Spratt

Queen Aggravain---Kristin Bailey

Prince Dauntless---Taylor Davidson

King Sextimus the Silent---Daniel Saults

Jester---Brian Hoeppner

Sir Harry---Cody Olendorff

Princess Winnefred---Arin Brewington

Ensemble:

Joel Cornwell

Bethany Hall

Maggie Inhofe

Henry Ledbetter

Stephanie Powers

Victoria Staats

Carol Fulkerson

Thia Hawkings

Britney Jewell

Jody Paschal

Bryan Schmiderer

Allison Ward

CONGRATS to everyone who made it!! I am so glad to be working with everyone!! :) :) :) :) :)

Tomorrow (August 24) 1st Read/Sing thru at 7:30 pm in the Dome (where we had auditions).

Aug. 27th 6:00 pm 1st musical rehearsal

<>< Stephanie!

Everyone made the call back list!!! Yay!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :):)

And I had a long talk with John tonight...yeah, don't think this will be an easy fix, guys. :(

Read my Myspace page if you want more...because I am not writing it again.

http://blog.myspace.com/theatre_ducky <~thats the link to my blog...its chalk full of information. :)

Stephanie

so, now that I know that John has been talking to another girl...and telling HER he loves her...how do I get over him? How can I accept the fact that he doesn't want me anymore? Why would he tell me all those things, if he knew he didn't want me forever?

I think I am becoming depressed. No one really pays attention to me at school, (and I know that we havent even really started yet...but so far no one has) and I feel like I seriously want to die. Now, don't get all "suicide is never the answer" on me...because I won't kill myself. But, I mean, I just feel like I don't really belong here anymore. I don't know what to do about it. I am not motivated to do anything, and that scares me. I am bored all the time, and although I know I should look for a monologue, rehearse my lines that we are going to perform tonight, read the rest of the musical script, find someone who can record my song, memorize that and when I find a monoglogue--memorize it, I still just don't feel like doing any of that.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

I hate boys, I don't know if I can handle going through another relationship. I just want to find the guy I will be with forever, and not have to go through the dating thing again. :( It only discourages me. *sigh*

Hey guys,
My phone died...and silly me forgot my phone charger at home. So, if you call me, which I am sure some of you will, you will get my voice mail! AND my voicemail sounds like me answering the phone...but its not. Its a message! So, HAHA fooled you! ;) But if you would wanna leave me a rockin' (did I just really say that?? lol) message, it would be mucho appreciated! :) :) :) Thanks!!

(I am putting this everywhere, so if you check my myspace and xanga and all that...you will see this there too.)

XOXOX,
Stephanie

guard it with your whole being! Because in the end....it will just get broken into a million pieces! <~Even after you are broken up as a couple! :(